POWER PIECE
‘Name one good girl who changed the world. You can’t – because she can’t.’
… I read this over and over. Stunned. Is this true?!
When you give it some thought, Kasia Urbaniak is absolutely correct. She follows it up with,
‘It is the Good Girl’s job to maintain the status quo.’
So yes, no chance of pushing boundaries, breaking barriers and making any creative, long-lasting impact by keeping the norm. The former phrases possess movement and dynamic flow - ‘breaking barriers’ - POW! Good Girl is not along for that ride.
Pondering the status quo, it does feel stagnant, right. Dull. Uninspiring. Lacking the juice of aliveness.
Sure, we all like to resist change and what’s different, don’t we. It feels nice and safe to maintain sameness. After all, the unknown is scary. But it’s the only guarantee we’ve got. So, better roll up sleeves and get on with it when change beckons. What’s coming to me now as I type is the exquisite character Pocahontas singing ‘… you can’t step into the same river twice, the water’s always changing, always flowing.’ Such POETRY! ‘How high does the sycamore grow… if you cut it down then you’ll never know’ (actual shivers).
An aside, sometimes I like to think of myself as The Sycamore… and I must NOT be cut down!
So, yes, back to my point ~ taking the change plunge is brave, fertile and RIGHT.
As I always say, this too shall pass… life is ephemeral.
And there’s something very soothing about that. Once you’ve gotten over initial terror and choose to release the ‘clutching’ energy - like clinging onto your brolly in a rainstorm... it’s not working so just fucking let it go (Disney theme today, apparently)!
With change comes learning, experience, growth.
And yes, maintaining the status quo, usually for the expectation of society/culture/religion/ institution and even those in our closer circles… I can’t speak for anyone else but it feels like the opposite of what I’m after, which goes something like this ~
To connect with my inner truth and desires and to express them!
To unfurl my radiant spirit and channel it into purpose and a positive contribution in this lifetime.
To feel Alive (capital fucking A!) as much as possible
i.e. not to mindlessly coast through the motions of my days with that haunted face I see (and probably mirror) on the tube during rush hour.
Too often I slip into those motions and lose touch with what Shakti Gawain calls, ‘inner guidance’. She says that when we don’t follow it,
‘…you feel a loss of energy, loss of power, a sense of spiritual deadness.’
Yes. It’s that. But then we remember again…
Keep remembering.
And when we come back to our Power, we return to our spiritual aliveness.
Let’s delve more into Urbaniak’s quote…
The Good Girl. The antithesis of the Woman with Power. The Power Woman is the Woman I will now consciously come to when I find myself slipping to, mostly, people pleasing. Now, pleasing people can be a very positive thing when executed consciously and, indeed, powerfully. It’s linked to generosity, consideration for others, wanting to connect, compassion. Lovely stuff. However, it’s become an endemic for most of us, especially women (and their long historical line of subservience). It can have crippling consequences and, at its worst lead to physical and emotional dis-ease after a wearisome life of putting everyone else first and leaving scraps for yourself, if at all.
Remember the SATC scene when Carrie and Aidan are arguing over making space in her closet. Aidan wants her to throw away a Laura Ashley outfit circa 1980 (fair enough) and Carrie SO wants to keep it but she conforms because, ya know, compromise. She adds,
‘I threw it away and I love it. What MORE DO YOU WANT?!’
This is a trivial example but it’s so relevant (as is every episode of The Bible Series 1-6, of course). Classic Good Girl – excessive pleasing of others when it’s not aligned with what you WANT. Leading to arguments, resentment and, in Carrie and Aidan’s case, the inevitable break up. Nobody wins.
I see bleeding levels of it in others, including people I adore and sometimes I can actually see the blush of their skin drain as they crawl into yet another spiral of people pleasing, comatosed by their own self identifying Good Girl patterns as they silently utter, ‘This is who I am. This is what I do.’
Soul destroying.
And how dangerous is that.
So, check in with yourself. Where do you see the Good Girl smearing your life? And hey, the people you’re behaving for probably haven’t asked for it or couldn’t care enough because they’re too busy sorting out their own saboteurs and trip ups! If they do and they’re consciously indulging your limiting behaviours for their own advantage, then they’re vampires who must NOT belong in your life.
Whilst I reckon I’ve got a fairly ‘healthy’ grasp on the Good Girl (obviously none of this is healthy), she is there. Inherited through the generations, schooling, the entire patriarchy. Personally, she can be quite subtle… like when I’m walking past a man on the street who might be checking me out or simply engaging politely and I look down with a demure smile. What is that about?! I instinctively take on the meek Good Girl to perhaps lure their interest. Such bullshit. I’ve caught myself doing it before and it’s not on them, it’s on me. Oh and a collective subconscious (still!) that women are better when obedient and silent and small. Something we’re all working to undo, I hope.
For quite a while though I’ve been more conscious of stripping the Good Girl (new levels of understanding for Christina Aguilera’s timeless comeback album, Dirty). Small things –
On a date I will absolutely HAVE THAT BURGER if I want one. Or boldly use the men’s loo instead of waiting in line for the ladies whilst patient women’s bladders consequentially burn and burst. I’ll call someone out if they’ve said something that stung or just didn’t sit right (if it’s important stuff, usually after one night of sleep to try and avoid reactivity and harness that Power of clarity). And whilst I’m not necessarily a rebel by nature, I do like to flirt with the lines of decorum too. Say, I’m in a post yoga group chat and everyone’s listing their favourite Pukka tea, I might just reclaim the Coca-Cola. My little moment of disruption, with a wink. Yes yes I too partake in the herbal tea, morning pages journaling and meditation but I’m also flawed and provocative and changeable. And there’s deliciousness there!
Let’s not forget that.
Perhaps those harmless, instinctive pokes are my little stake in the ground against the status quo. A moment to stand alone and stand strong. Small things, major impact.
Because it’s the mundane, the everyday hang ups that can hold us back from being the Power Woman at the time that life really demands it of us. And that time always comes. Ultimately, it’s down to us to summon that Power within. It’s there in all of us; we might just need to wake it up from slumber, turn up the dial. And when we do, that’s when we’re really living out our creative authenticity.
‘How much longer will you go letting your energy sleep? How much longer are you going to stay oblivious of the immensity of yourself?’ ~ Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh
Where do you feel your Power?
Here are a few of mine…
On stage – when I feel I have command of the space.
Running – the FREEDOM. Sometimes The Power feels positively beastly!
Nakedness – Body Power is amplified and the mental imposters quieten down.
Dancing – outward expression of what I’m feeeeeeeeling. Again, body takes over. Mind chatter clears.
The inspired moments in a client session. When shared experience is magic.
Warrior II pose.
Walking alone in a vast open space.
Flirting without words ~ eyes and grins.
Listening to something or someone that resonates in my body.
… and the key to knowing you’re letting your Power lead… it feels GREAT. It speaks in physical language. The voice is rich and deep, the body is rooted, there’s an openness in your chest, there’s a connectivity with everything ~ like a silver spider’s web reaching out to everything from the centre of YOU. And there’s a playfulness to it, a spark in the eye.
So, release the Good Girl. Let your Power take space.
The world needs it.
